Everyone's gone, man!

Like a number of Shelter's exquisite details, this line is easy to miss. It is, arguably, the saddest statement in the entire film. Zach's succinct response reveals one of the most heart-rending of human experiences, being left behind. Kirk Cameron movies aside (R.I.P. Andrew Koenig), desertion is especially difficult to endure as a young adult. Those lightning fast years between 18 and 25 usually mean friends are either completing degrees, launching careers, getting married, giving birth, fighting in a foreign land or at war with themselves. No matter the scenario, it's typically played out as far away from home as possible. So much of the American - and modern global - narrative involves saying goodbye to one's small (or small-minded) hometown to fulfill big dreams in the Big City. How difficult it must have been for Zach to see peer after peer leave San Pedro and move on with their lives. His departure being continually delayed by working spirit-crushing jobs, living with an unhealthy family dynamic and filling a parental role abandoned by someone else. The dark cloud of melancholy only seemed to thicken with time. Zach's long-harbored desires to break free from his limited circumstances and pursue his dream of being an artist appeared as dim as the sun on a smoggy day . . . So much for sunny California.

***

I'm still recovering from a wonderfully zany gathering with my family. Sunday dinner is a tradition worth fighting for (and during). Looking back, I've realized that the concept of the "big happy family" is an inspiring, and often tiring, model to reference and not an ideal to worship. Actually, I'm more concerned with the healthy family instead. Even this type of family should only serve as a goal and not become an idol. Agreement among human beings is rare, communication fleeting and harmony elusive. Sure, happiness is great, but it is a natural byproduct of honesty, respect, laughter, anger, support and, yes, pain. Like environmental pollution, dysfunctional relationships are a sad reality of modern life. They should not be excused or tolerated, but they can be viewed in perspective as particularly painful cocoons from which some of the most beautiful butterflies emerge. Life is about struggle. If there is any doubt about this, consult with Mother Nature. One of the hardest realizations I've had is that our existence is mostly about tragedy. (Now, I actually find more joy and peace in accepting this fact than in denying it.) Even if we are blessed with a soulmate, and we are really careful to nurture this loving bond for the rest of our lives, our ultimate "reward" always involves infirmity, senility and mortality. To be sure, life is comedy when we have friends and confidants to recount our indignities to. Life is also a comfort, but only when we have a healthy family to help us deal with harsh truths while they bandage our wounded hearts. Just as with fortunes, some of us inherit our true families through birth. Others, like successful entrepreneurs, create loving families during life. The exceedingly resourceful among us manage to cultivate both. According to Mary Piper, Ph.D. (where would we be without Ph.D.s? - I'm noticing a trend here and promise my next link will be from a licensed esthetician.) in her book The Shelter of Each Other , family is "our shelter from the storm, our oldest and most precious institution and our last great hope."

1: Metamorphosis

The Butterfly Story

(excerpt)

. . . the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If nature allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.

(Author unknown. Excerpt from: The Butterfly Story )

**

I think a primary reason I love the film Shelter as much as I do is the way it chronicles the process of personal transformation. The story is particularly significant for those who've had to emerge from a cocoon of dysfunction in order to free themselves from the bondage of low self-esteem.

Dr. Louise Hart's miraculous book On the Wings of Self Esteem is a perfect "field guide" to the beauty, majesty and mystery of inner growth.

The book offers a step-by-step approach to understanding how an unhealthy family dynamic can contribute to a fractured sense of self. It then provides wonderful insight into how people can allow their hearts to soar, let their spirits take flight and live out their destiny.

In a modern world that constantly forces humans into prefabricated existences and preconceived identities, it is a constant struggle to be an authentic individual. Once authenticity is achieved, beauty abounds. Once beauty is revealed, creativity naturally follows. Authenticity is, therefore, the necessary precursor to creation and creation is the very essence of life.

**

"With each pulse, fluid is forced into the soft wings, stiffening them . . . With one final contraction, the excess fluid is expelled from the body. The butterfly has become the magnificent work of art it was meant to be all along. "

- Dr. Louise Hart

Do you love him?

I always feel bad about coming down hard on Jeanne. She is a wonderfully conceived and beautifully realized character. Both the writer/director and the actress should be praised for creating such an accurate portrait.

The other character that touches my heart is Tori, Zach's steadfast best friend and sometimes girlfriend. She serves as the perfect counterpoint to Jeanne and a crucial element in the love story.

***

Modernity and maturity personified, many contemporary women are independent but not cold, loving but not clingy. They could be anywhere in the world and dealing with any set of circumstances, but they all have perfected the skill of being gentle when they need to be and tough when they have to be. I'm reminded of those "girl power" shows and cartoons from the 90's and it's somewhat cool to find out that woman power isn't about supernatural gifts or cultural phenomena. More and more, I'm realizing that it's about women accepting their power over their own lives and understanding their influence in the lives of others. It's well known, however, that with rights come responsibilities. Like "special powers", woman power can be wielded for either good or evil.

***

To Tori, the real question is, "Do you love him?"

Tori is such a stabilizing force. She seems to approach every situation with the utmost level-headedness. True to her down-to-earth nature, Tori cuts through Zach's emotional conflict to what matters most.

Many people have referred to the French film, Just a Question of Love (Juste une question d'amour) as a companion piece to Shelter. I haven't seen the movie yet, but it's next on my list. Who knows? Maybe I'll have another reason to blog my brains out. - Not! :)

Come here

It's always interesting to compare Zach and Jeanne. Like Shaun and Gabe, a strong bond of love connects the two radically different siblings. Perhaps no where are the contrasts between Zach and his sister more apparent than in their relationships with their respective lovers.

***

What is intimacy? I'm (just) realizing that the more sexually explicit our culture becomes, the more disconnected we are from each other - and ourselves. Yet, deep inside, there's an intense longing to relate and connect. Whether it be on a spiritual, emotional, mental or physical level. Dr. Barton Goldsmith's blog, Emotional Fitness offers a refreshing take on the human desire for Intimacy. All too often, I see connection being confused with consumption (another trend I've been late in discovering). We try to fill the void within instead of nurturing the bonds without. There's a desperate need to silence the "static" disrupting the frequency of our inner voice and abandon the "scripts" constricting individuality. I've found, however, that the effort this process entails is so exhausting that I can't judge those who simply resign themselves to whatever society and the mass-media hand out. Yet the stakes are so high and the risks so fundamental. What's worse is seeing how a devalued sense of self attracts second-hand treatment from others and a cast-off existence. Second-hand materials are great (not to mention, "green") and cast-off items are now considered "finds" but human life is not merchandise assembled on a conveyer belt and the interpersonal experience is not a product to be manufactured.

***

Shaun says to Zach as he offers him a hug: "Come here."
Zach is a caring individual who has been fortunate enough to find an equally caring soul in Shaun. Shaun's response to Zach comes from their deepening intimacy.

Jeanne says to Alan as they loudly make out: "Come here."
This vividly illustrates that Jeanne and Alan are more like two animals in a cage than real lovers. Their relationship is based on physical appetites, not personal connection. Keeping Alan probably means Jeanne gets to hold on to the fairytale fantasy of being rescued by a man. This fantasy allows her to escape the reality of being a mother and deny the fact that she is no longer a child.

Baby on board, huh!

I think Cody has to be the most adorable child character to show up on screen in ages. Who wouldn't be powerless against that perfect haircut, those precocious mannerisms and the endearing demeanor? It's easy to understand why anyone with a heart, and in their right mind, would completely rearrange their life to look after him.

***

All too often, society sends the message that children are excess baggage rather than precious cargo. I'm always tempted to focus on the work they involve or the sacrifices they require instead of appreciating the love they exude and the hope they represent. The truth is, childhood is the most significant time in a person's life and a wonderful opportunity for caretakers. The type of pain experienced and the amount of protection received during childhood greatly influences whether someone will remain a caterpillar or become a butterfly. I always take popular psychology with a huge grain of salt but, the older I get, the more I realize the important role childhood experiences play in defining who adults become - myself especially! The oft-maligned concept of the Inner Child is common knowledge. Except for a Ph.D. in Psychology, however, it's harder to gain an understanding of the idea behind it. The Child Within is an online explanation which may (or may not) prove helpful to those looking for a close-up on the topic.

***

The word "board" seems to run through much of Shelter's plot. It appears in a variety of contexts and with a number of connotations:

**

1) Gabe to Zach: "Baby on board, huh!"

I guess it bears repeating that Zach's life was totally affected by his love and care for his nephew, Cody. The viewer sees how drastically different Zach's daily activities are from his friends', and even his sister's, for that matter.

**

2) Zach to Shaun: "I wouldn't want to get your Dad in trouble with the Board."

Ah, the beauty of exclusive communities - not to mention the confinement and repression of wealth! It, however, becomes easily apparent why a liberated soul like Shaun would not want to live under such control - not to mention, latent hypocrisy and bigotry.

**

3) Gabe to Shaun: "My big bro on a longboard, I never thought I'd see the day!" Shaun to Gabe: "Give it ten years and call me back on that."
Perhaps nothing confirms Shaun's adulthood and maturity more than this exchange. Especially in contrast with his little brother and Zach. Shaun is not just a "grown-up". He is a man who gracefully accepts the inevitable changes that come with age and peacefully embraces the necessary choices that accompany growth.

**

4) Zach leaving his longboard at the Andrews house.
The fact that Zach uses both a shortboard and a longboard appears to symbolize that he has to constantly switch between the youthful world of his peers and the grownup demands of his family. This was such an ingenious plot device because Zach's retrieving the longboard served as the catalyst for his mature and intimate relationship with Shaun.

**

5) Shaun getting Cody a kid's surfboard and wetsuit as a gift.
To me, this officially confirms Cody's adoption into the Andrews extended family. Zach came with Gabe and now Cody comes with Zach.