I can't leave him.

Zach is always putting Cody first. This is the very definition of what a parent should do.

Hello, hello. Is anyone out there?

Shaun is amazing.

Ghetto Trash!

Ah . . . there's nothing quite like a bromance and masculine terms of endearment to set a plot in motion.

Find another f***in' fantasy

The view that Shaun fantasized about Zach is definitely popular and it adds an erotic undercurrent to the plot. Much depends on how one interprets the line where Zach accuses Shaun of seeing him as a childhood "wet dream" (I love the use of water imagery). If taken literally, one would believe that Shaun harbored feelings for Zach. I'm more inclined to feel that Zach, desperate to push the love of his life away in order to please his sister, projected his emotions on to Shaun. Zach's projection highlighted the codependent family dynamic and the psychological conflict hindering his journey toward both self-acceptance and personal fulfillment. I loved the fact that the film left things open to interpretation. The differing perspectives only prove that Shelter is a multidimensional work of art. I can't wait to read the book and discover the author's version of what really took place! (even if it is fiction). To me, the story sends a powerful message to people of all ages who are searching for freedom and yearning to reach their potential. I especially hope that it serves as a source of encouragement to youth struggling with their identity. It's a brutal world out there. Even if it doesn't always occupy our thoughts, the battle to find, and keep, love seems to be what ignites our dreams.

Everyone's gone, man!

Like a number of Shelter's exquisite details, this line is easy to miss. It is, arguably, the saddest statement in the entire film. Zach's succinct response reveals one of the most heart-rending of human experiences, being left behind. Kirk Cameron movies aside (R.I.P. Andrew Koenig), desertion is especially difficult to endure as a young adult. Those lightning fast years between 18 and 25 usually mean friends are either completing degrees, launching careers, getting married, giving birth, fighting in a foreign land or at war with themselves. No matter the scenario, it's typically played out as far away from home as possible. So much of the American - and modern global - narrative involves saying goodbye to one's small (or small-minded) hometown to fulfill big dreams in the Big City. How difficult it must have been for Zach to see peer after peer leave San Pedro and move on with their lives. His departure being continually delayed by working spirit-crushing jobs, living with an unhealthy family dynamic and filling a parental role abandoned by someone else. The dark cloud of melancholy only seemed to thicken with time. Zach's long-harbored desires to break free from his limited circumstances and pursue his dream of being an artist appeared as dim as the sun on a smoggy day . . . So much for sunny California.

***

I'm still recovering from a wonderfully zany gathering with my family. Sunday dinner is a tradition worth fighting for (and during). Looking back, I've realized that the concept of the "big happy family" is an inspiring, and often tiring, model to reference and not an ideal to worship. Actually, I'm more concerned with the healthy family instead. Even this type of family should only serve as a goal and not become an idol. Agreement among human beings is rare, communication fleeting and harmony elusive. Sure, happiness is great, but it is a natural byproduct of honesty, respect, laughter, anger, support and, yes, pain. Like environmental pollution, dysfunctional relationships are a sad reality of modern life. They should not be excused or tolerated, but they can be viewed in perspective as particularly painful cocoons from which some of the most beautiful butterflies emerge. Life is about struggle. If there is any doubt about this, consult with Mother Nature. One of the hardest realizations I've had is that our existence is mostly about tragedy. (Now, I actually find more joy and peace in accepting this fact than in denying it.) Even if we are blessed with a soulmate, and we are really careful to nurture this loving bond for the rest of our lives, our ultimate "reward" always involves infirmity, senility and mortality. To be sure, life is comedy when we have friends and confidants to recount our indignities to. Life is also a comfort, but only when we have a healthy family to help us deal with harsh truths while they bandage our wounded hearts. Just as with fortunes, some of us inherit our true families through birth. Others, like successful entrepreneurs, create loving families during life. The exceedingly resourceful among us manage to cultivate both. According to Mary Piper, Ph.D. (where would we be without Ph.D.s? - I'm noticing a trend here and promise my next link will be from a licensed esthetician.) in her book The Shelter of Each Other , family is "our shelter from the storm, our oldest and most precious institution and our last great hope."

1: Metamorphosis

The Butterfly Story

(excerpt)

. . . the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If nature allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.

(Author unknown. Excerpt from: The Butterfly Story )

**

I think a primary reason I love the film Shelter as much as I do is the way it chronicles the process of personal transformation. The story is particularly significant for those who've had to emerge from a cocoon of dysfunction in order to free themselves from the bondage of low self-esteem.

Dr. Louise Hart's miraculous book On the Wings of Self Esteem is a perfect "field guide" to the beauty, majesty and mystery of inner growth.

The book offers a step-by-step approach to understanding how an unhealthy family dynamic can contribute to a fractured sense of self. It then provides wonderful insight into how people can allow their hearts to soar, let their spirits take flight and live out their destiny.

In a modern world that constantly forces humans into prefabricated existences and preconceived identities, it is a constant struggle to be an authentic individual. Once authenticity is achieved, beauty abounds. Once beauty is revealed, creativity naturally follows. Authenticity is, therefore, the necessary precursor to creation and creation is the very essence of life.

**

"With each pulse, fluid is forced into the soft wings, stiffening them . . . With one final contraction, the excess fluid is expelled from the body. The butterfly has become the magnificent work of art it was meant to be all along. "

- Dr. Louise Hart

Do you love him?

I always feel bad about coming down hard on Jeanne. She is a wonderfully conceived and beautifully realized character. Both the writer/director and the actress should be praised for creating such an accurate portrait.

The other character that touches my heart is Tori, Zach's steadfast best friend and sometimes girlfriend. She serves as the perfect counterpoint to Jeanne and a crucial element in the love story.

***

Modernity and maturity personified, many contemporary women are independent but not cold, loving but not clingy. They could be anywhere in the world and dealing with any set of circumstances, but they all have perfected the skill of being gentle when they need to be and tough when they have to be. I'm reminded of those "girl power" shows and cartoons from the 90's and it's somewhat cool to find out that woman power isn't about supernatural gifts or cultural phenomena. More and more, I'm realizing that it's about women accepting their power over their own lives and understanding their influence in the lives of others. It's well known, however, that with rights come responsibilities. Like "special powers", woman power can be wielded for either good or evil.

***

To Tori, the real question is, "Do you love him?"

Tori is such a stabilizing force. She seems to approach every situation with the utmost level-headedness. True to her down-to-earth nature, Tori cuts through Zach's emotional conflict to what matters most.

Many people have referred to the French film, Just a Question of Love (Juste une question d'amour) as a companion piece to Shelter. I haven't seen the movie yet, but it's next on my list. Who knows? Maybe I'll have another reason to blog my brains out. - Not! :)